


phonebooks are magical

by malumqt (snowboy)



Category: 5 Seconds of Summer (Band)
Genre: Don't Judge Me, M/M, apparently i make text fics when i'm bored, once again i'm starting a text fic cause i'm bored and this makes me laugh soooo
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-11-25
Updated: 2016-02-21
Packaged: 2018-02-26 21:22:58
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 2,394
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2666783
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/snowboy/pseuds/malumqt
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><strong>michael:</strong> i'm bored</p><p><b>unknown</b><strong>:</strong> ???</p><p><strong>unknown:</strong> i think you got the wrong number</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**michael:** i'm bored

 **unknown** **:** ???

 **unknown:** i think you got the wrong number

 **michael:** hood?

 **unknown:** .....

 **unknown** **:** yes

 **michael:** i'm bored

 **unknown:** how do you know my last name?

 **michael:** phonebooks are magical

 **unknown:** what???

 **michael:** found your name in a phone book

 **michael:** never met anyone with the name hood so i text

 **unknown:** my name's not

 **unknown:** my name isn't hood

 **michael:** you're listed under hood??

 **unknown:** calum

 **unknown:** calum hood

 **michael:** i've never met a calum either

 **michael:** i'm mochael clifford

 **michael:** MICHAEL NOT MOCHAEL

 **calum:** awh shit

 **calum:** :(

 **calum:** i've met a michael before

 **michael:** .....

 **michael:** have you met a clifford????

 **calum:** no

 **michael:** it still counts

 **calum;** lol okay

 **michael:** whatchu doin

 **calum:** txting you

 **michael:** ....

 **michael:** sides that

 **calum:** waiting for pizza?

 **michael:** PIZZA???

 **michael:** I LOVE PIZZA

 **michael:** WHERE U GETTIN YOUR PIZZA???

 **michael:** CUZ THERE PLACE THAT HAS REALLY GOOD PIZZA

 **calum:** .....

 **calum:** pizza hut

 **michael:** pizza hut

 **michael:** PIZZA HUT???

 **michael:** WHY?

 **michael:** PIZZA HUT IS GOOD

 **michael:** NUT I KNOW BETTER PIZZA PLACES

 **michael:** NEXT TIME YOU WANT PIZZA

 **michael:** TELL ME AND I TELL YOU WHERE TO GO

 **calum:** next time?

 **calum:** who said next time i'd tell you

 **calum:** you could be a pedo

 **michael:** YOU KNOW WHAT

 **michael:** FINE

 **michael:** HAVE FUN WITH YOUR LESSER PIZZA

 **calum:** are in a drama club?

 **michael:** no why?

 **calum:** ur very dramatic

 **michael:** should i be offended??????

 **calum:** idk

 **michael:** there's a drama club at uni

 **michael:** I WILL JOIN

 **calum:** woah

 **calum:** don't join cuz I said you were dramatic

 **michael:** I BORED

 **michael:** I JOIN CLUB

 **calum:** wtf

 **calum:** when did you become tarzan?

 **michael:** I TARZAN

 **michael:** I FRIENDS WITH APES

 **michael:** I RASIED BY APES

 **michael:** I HUNGRY

 **calum:** i am so confused

 **michael:** but really tho

 **michael:** i'm hungry

 **michael:** food time!

 **michael:** bye bye hood


	2. Chapter 2

**michael:** i'm bored again

 **calum:** yeah

 **calum:** what do you want me to doabout it?

 **michael:** be entertaining hood

 **calum:** no

 **michael:** why?

 **calum:** because you could be a pedo

 **michael:** I'M NOT

 **calum:** you could be

 **michael:**  I'M NOT

 **michael:** i'm slightly offended here hood

 **michael:** just gonna leave you

 **michael:** have fun living a clifford free life

 **calum:** ok

 **michael:** ...

 **michael:** -_-

 **calum:** what?

 **michael:** that was the part where you confess your undying love for me

 **calum:** it was?

 **michael:** YES

 **calum:** i thought you were going to leave me

 **michael:** i am

 **michael:** replacing you with ashton

***

 **michael:** Hi

 **ashton:** what do you want clifford?

 **michael:** I CAN'T JUST SAY HI????

 **michael:** and i'm bored

 **michael:** be entertaining

 **ashton:** entertain yourself

 **ashton:** i'm not your pet

 **michael:** :(

 **michael:** no one loves me

 **ashton:** i love you

 **michael:** really?

 **ashton:** yeah

 **michael:** YAY

 **michael:** I LOVE YOU TOO ASHTON

 **michael:** YOU ARE GREAT FRIEND

 **ashton:** yeah yeah

 **ashton:** wanna go see a movie?

 **michael:** YES

 **michael:** I DON'T EVEN CARE WHAT

 **michael:** BUT YES

 **ashton:** wow okay

 **ashton:** i'll pick you up in an hour

 **michael:** ty

***

 **michael:** ASHTON LOVES ME

 **calum:** i don't know an ashton

 **michael:** ASHTON IS BESITE

 **calum:** ok

 **michael:** you are not interested

 **calum:** nope

 **michael:** why do you text back?

 **calum:** classes are boring?

 **michael:** SO I'M YOUR ENTERTAINMENT?????

 **michael:** I ENTERTAIN YOU IN CLASS

 **michael:** BUT YOU NO ENTERTAIN ME IN LIFE???

 **michael:** HOW DARE YOU HOOD

 **calum:** i can send you lame jokes?

 **calum:** luke tells me a ton

 **michael:** lame jokes are my middle name!

 **michael:** gimme

 **calum:** ok

 **calum:** how do you find will smith in the snow?

 **calum:** follow the fresh prints

 **michael:** sgrkgjgnskrjgnskjhkajbvkjbsuorh

 **michael:** srgetnsta24(+;*;

 **calum:** michael???

 **michael:** rotfl

 **michael:** literally

 **calum:** really?

 **calum:** really?

 **michael:** YES

 **michael:** TELL LUKE HE GOT GOOD JOKES

 **calum:** no

 **calum:** ...

 **calum:** he says thanks

 **michael:** I THOUGHT YOU WEREN'T GONNA TELL HIM

 **calum:** he's sitting behind me and saw your text

 **michael:** HI CALUM'S FRIEND LUKE I MICHAEL

 **calum:** he says Hi

 **michael:** i like him better than you

 **michael:** oooooh ashton is here

 **michael:** bye bye hood

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> when i get bored in life i write this  
> oooooor when it's 4am soo i'm sleep deprived right now


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> WHAT WHAT!!! there's an update for this fic cause i told Hifina i would make an update for them. soo haaaiii i did thing!!

**michael:**  I'M NOT A DORK, YOU'RE A DORK

 **michael:** I HAVE PHOTO EVEDANCE 

 **michael:** SEEE

 **michael:**  

**calum:** what????

 **calum:** why are you yelling

 **calum:** i never called you a dork

 **michael:** .....

 **michael:** i thought i was sending that to ashton

 **michael:** sorry

 **calum:** no no  it's okay

 **calum:** he's cute

 **michael:** am i cute?

 **calum:** idk what you look like so no

 **michael:** I COOULD BE CUTE THO

 **calum:** or you could be a pedo

 **michael:** I'M NOT

 **michael:** I'M FRIENDS WITH THAT DORK

 **calum:** i don't believe you

 **michael:** whhhhhhhyyyyy

 **calum:** you're weird

 **michael:** you don't believe me cause i'm weird?

 **calum:** yup

 **michael:** geeeze thanks

 **michael:** why are you still replying to me then???

 **calum:** you keep texting when i'm in class

 **michael:** WHAT CLASS ARE YOU IN THAT'S SO BORING??

 **calum:** art

 **michael:** ????

 **michael:** art isn't boring

 **michael:** art is fun af

 **michael:** wait

 **michael:** are you taking realistic art

 **calum:** yeah

 **michael:** fuck

 **michael:** take graphic novels or manga

 **michael:** that shit is fun

 **calum:** i don't want to make a graphic novel or manga

 **michael:** why

 **calum:** they're dumb

 **calum:** michael?

 **michael:** read fullmetal alchemist 

 **michael:** that manga is not dumb

 **michael:** the anime is great

 **michael:** i need to teach you the ways of good anime

 **calum:** fine fine

 **calum:** let me see if my school library has it

 **michael:** it better or i am finding your address and sending you the entire series 

 **calum:** wow

 **calum:** no need to do that over a manga

 **calum:** also i gotta go

 **calum:** my art teacher is yelling at me for texting

 **michael:** READ FULLMETAL ALCHEMIST HOODIE BOY

 

 

 


	4. Chapter 4

**calum:** okay first off

 **calum:** FUCK YOU I DID NOT SIGN UP FOR THESE TEARS

 **calum:** second do you have any happier manga for me to read

 **calum:** my heart is in pain and i can't finish fullmetal alchimest right now

 **michael:** lol

 **michael:** read fruits basket

 **michael:** it's really great

 **michael:** but the ending to the anime is shit

 **michael:** THEY JUST LEAVE YOU HANGING WITH KYO AND TOHRU 

 **michael:** IT'S A READ THE MANGA ENDING AND I HATE THOSE ENDINGS

 **calum:** will i cry?

 **michael:**......

 **michael:** maybe

 **calum:** did you cry?

 **michael:** maybe

 **michael:** it's not as sad as fullmetal

 **michael:** i promise

 **calum:** if i cry like i did now, i am finding you and punching you in the face

 **michael:** violent much?? :p

 **calum:** i didn't sign up for these tears

 **michael:** but you did read it

 **michael:** now do you still think manga is dumb

 **calum:** no

 **michael:** GOOD

 **michael:** BECAUSE NO FRIEND OF MINE IS GONNA THINK MANGA IS DUMB

 **calum:** we're friends???

 **michael:** WOW

 **michael:** WOW CALUM

 **michael:** WAY TO WOUND ME

 **michael:** I THOUGHT WE WERE FRIENDS

 **calum:** i'm still not entirely sure you're not just a pedo

 **calum:** or a prank

 **michael:** ......

 **michael:** DO I NEED TO SEND A PHOTO OF MY FACE

 **michael:** BECAUSE I WILL

 **calum:** you could get a picture from google

 **michael:**  do you want me to google emo kid and get a picture from there

 **calum:** emo kid??

 **michael:** thAT IS WHAT ASHTON CALLS ME AND I HATE IT

 **michael:** IT'S BEEN MY NICKNAME SINCE I GOT AN EYEBROW BAR AND DIED MY HAIR BLACK

 **calum:** wow

 **calum:** what would be this emo kid picture?

**michael:**

**calum:** wow

 **michael:** SEE THAT'S HARDLY AN EMO KID

 **calum:** i kinda see where he get's the emo kid idea

 **michael:** we are no longer friends cal

 **michael:** i am not an emo kid

 **calum:**  i don't know

 **michael:** I'M NOT AN EMO KID

 **calum:** i'm changing your contact to emo kid

 **michael:** i'm changing your contact from hoodie boy to asshole

 **calum:** ok

 **calum:** i like asshole better than hoodie boy

 **michael:** asshole hoodie boy

 **michael:** THAT IS YOUR CONTACT NOW

 **michael:** TAKE THAT

 **calum:** ok emo kid 

 **michael:** ......

 **michael:** i'm leaving

 **michael:** and never coming back

 **calum:** ok

 **calum:** i'll go see if fruits basket is in the library

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i think i had too much fun at the emo kid part.... i regret nothing


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> lol hai, i'm back with another update for this

**michael:** do u ever see someone incredibly cute and have to stop a moment

 **michael:** because damn, how are u so lucky to see them???

 **calum:** lol i thought you were leaving and never coming back

 **michael:** well i came back

 **calum:** ok emo kid

 **michael:** dhmxlfhcnvks

 **calum:** :)

 **michael:** i hate you

 **michael:** i'm not an emo kid

 **calum:** you're an emo kid

 

_michael added calum and ashton to a group chat_

 

 **michael:** I AM NOT AN EMO KID

 **ashton:** but you are

 **ashton:** you're a dramatic emo kid

 **calum:** yup, i'd say that's a good description of you

 **michael:** I HATE YOU BOTH

 **michael:** DO I NEED TO DYE MY HAIR LILAC AND WEAR FLOWER CROWNS TO MAKE YOU BELIEVE I'M NOT AN EMO KID???

 **ashton:** yes

 **calum:** no

 **michael:** you're giving me mixed signals here

 **ashton:** no

 **ashton:** you've always been an emo kid

 **ashton:** you had that fringe in school remember

 **michael:** LIKE YOU DIDN'T HAVE ONE MISTER 'OH LOOK AT ME BEING SO SEXY AND BITING MY SHIRT'

**michael:**

 

  
**michael:** WHY WERE YOU BITING YOUR SHIRT

 **calum:** you look hot

 **ashton:** thank you :)

 **ashton:** i like you better than mikey

 **michael:** AOVBEKDJZ

 **michael:** STOP FLIRTING

 **ashton:** why?

 **michael:** BECAUSE IT'S WEIRD

 **calum:** why is it weird

 **michael:** it just is

 **ashton:** ;)

 **ashton:** ;)

 **michael:** STOP WITH THE WINKY FACES

 **calum:** why do i get a feeling that you two are in the same room

 **michael:** we are

 **michael:** i threw a can at ashton's head

 **ashton:** mikey's a violent friend

 **michael:** i need new friends

 **calum:** do u want a luke???

 **calum:** don't hurt him

 **michael:** yes give me a luke

 

calum added luke to the chat

 

 **luke:** caaallllyyyyyy i'm trying to studdy

 **michael:** what are you studying?

 **luke:** who are you??

 **luke:** also video game development

 **michael:** VIDOE GAM3 DEVELOPMENT

 **michael:** I STUDY THAT TOO

 **calum:** ????

 **michael:** what

 **calum:** how do you study the same thing??

 **michael:** COMMON INTERESTS ARE A THING HOODIE BOY

 **michael:** LUKE WHAT UNI DO YOU GO TO???

 **luke:** aie sydney campus

 **michael:** FOS VOENDJW

 **michael:** ME TOO

 **michael:** ARE YOU IN THE YEAR WITH DAVIS OR MONROE???

 **luke:** davis

 **michael:** :( :( :( :( :(

 **michael:** i'm in with monroe

 **luke:** is he as good of a teacher as everyone says?

 **michael:** yES

 **michael:** HE IS AMAZING AND HOT AF

 **michael:**  A FINE SPECIMEN

 **calum:** wait

 **calum:** back up

 **calum:** you two go to the same school

 **luke:** yup!

 **luke:** oooh where do you live??

 **luke:** we could go out for coffee sometime and study together

 **luke:** like actually study tho!!

 **luke:** not yanno

 **michael:** yES

 **michael:** I LIVE IN THE CAMPUS DORMS

 **michael:** WAIT HAVE YOU PLAVE UNDERTALE?

 **luke:** yup!!

 **michael:** I LIKE YOU

 **michael:** YOU ARE MY NEW BEST FRIEND

 **calum:** what just happened?

 **calum:** what did i just do???

 **ashton:** something both of us are going to regret


	6. Chapter 6

**michael:** MUKE UP IN THIS SHIZ

 **michael:**  

**michael:** IGNORE MY BEANIE I DIDN'T SHOWER LAST NIGHT

 **calum:** you're hanging out with luke??

 **michael:** yuuup

 **calum:** i still can't believe you go to the same school

 **michael:** if only he was in my class

 **michael:** we could work together on group projects

 **michael:** take notes for each other

 **michael:** WORK TOGETHER ON GROUP PROJECTS

 **calum:** you said that already

 **michael:** LISTEN EVERYONE I WORK WITH ON GROUP PROJECTS IS AWFUL 

 **michael:** WHY ARE WE MAKING A GODDAMN FLAPPY BIRD RIP OFF

 **michael:** I COULD DO THAT ON MY OWN

 **michael:** I MADE A FAN MADE UNDERTALE GAME 

 **michael:** IT WAS A SIMPLE PLATFORMER AND YOU HAD TO TELL EVERYONE PUNS AS SANS

 **michael:** BUT AT LEAST IT WAS FUN

 **michael:** NOTHING IS FUN ABOUT FUCKING FLAPPY BIRD

 **calum:** are you done with your rant

 **michael:** HOLD ON

 **michael:** I HATE FLAPPY BIRD IT CAN DIE IN A FIRE

 **michael:** ok now i'm done

 **calum:** my flappy bird score was 623

 **michael:** i hate you

 **michael:** i could barely get 100

 **michael:** flappy bird sucks i hate flappy bird

 **calum:** you were the one who brought it up

 **michael:** .......

 **michael:** i was going to say i hate myself

 

 **calum:** DON'T

 **michael:** i'm not

 **michael:** i forgot why i txted you now

 **calum:** muke

 **michael:** OH RIGHT

 **michael:** WE UP IN THIS HOUSE

 **michael:** STUDYING OUR LIL BOOTYS OFF

 **michael:** LUKE IS A GODDAMN GENIUS 

 **michael:** HE FIXED THE GLITCH IN MY GAME

 **michael:** GODDAMN 

 **michael:** GENIUS 

 **michael:** hold on

 **michael:** what do you do?

 **calum:** what do you mean?

 **michael:** are you in uni??

 **calum:** yeah

 **calum:** i'm studying musical theory and composition 

 **michael:** so are you a musical genius?

 **michael:** CAN YOU SEND ME SOME COMPOSITIONS??

 **calum:** no

 **michael:** :(

 **calum:** they aren't finished yet

 **michael:** :(

 **calum:** what?

 **michael:** :(

 **calum:** i'll show you them when they're finished?

 **michael:** :D

 **calum:** i thought you were studying with luke

 **michael:** there's a thing called a snack break

 **michael:** we're studying our bootys off

 **michael:** we need energy

 **michael:** i also need coffee

 **michael:** TIME TO GET COFFEE AND STUDY BOOTYS OFF

 **michael:** BYE HOODIE BOY

 

-

 

 **calum:** is michael as dramatic irl??

 **luke:** not at all

 **luke:**  he was really nice and bought me lunch

 **calum:** oooh 

 **luke:** not like that!!

 **luke:** we just had food

 **calum:** that leads places lukey

 **calum:** soon you won't be a virgin anymore

 **luke:** michael isn't going to do that

 **calum:** he could

 **luke:** he won't

 **calum:** why not?

 **luke:** not my place to say

 **calum:** i'm confused

 **luke:** ask him yourself

 **calum:** no

 **calum:** that's weird

 **luke:** i can ask him for you?

 **calum:** that's weirder

 **luke:** welp idk

 **calum:** are you sure he's not as dramatic?

 **calum:** he's really dramatic through texts

 **luke:** nah, he's chill

 

 

 **luke:** ashton is also really cool

 **calum:** ashton?

 **luke:** michael's friend

 **luke:** he stopped by

 **luke:** complimented my shirt

 **luke:** is it weird if i already have a crush on him?

 **luke:** he's so cute

 **calum:** oh yeah!!

 **calum:** he seems cute

 **luke:** no you don't understand

**luke:**

 

 **luke:** he's really cute

 **luke:** off the charts cute

 **calum:** you're right

 **calum:** that picture is much better than the two i've seen from michael

 **calum:** why do you have a picture of him?

 **luke:** the photography student still lives within me?

 **calum:** i still don't understand why you changed majors

 **luke:** video game design is fun

 **luke:** i can do photography as a hobby

 **calum:** good point

 **luke:** :)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> .......i'm lowkey lashton trash so there's a 99.99% chance lashton will happen.

**Author's Note:**

> i need to either stop being bored or stop writing text fics to make me laugh...


End file.
